I just got lost
Thought I didn't need anything but you
Threw everything away to hell, to burn
Well, I was wrong
Never felt pain this way
When I found a place for me
Where lost souls work
Because they are forever disappointed in life, in truth
Because of them
Because of men
There, I feel free to do my pleasures
Why
I'm not bad, that's my job
I earn to live, isn't that what's life about?
Manly pleasures are ok
When females sit at home and pray
It just stopped
Because of them
Because of men
Maybe I can be killed any moment now
Maybe I will be laughed at
Hell knows
It's none of your business
You left me alone,
Made me through myself away
And you are now
... Gone...
Away.
Be that way
Because of you
Because it's true
Go ahead, call me a whore now.
2004
I was 14 when i wrote this. I was wondering how it was for them. For members of the Risk Group. For people who we don't dare to look at. They are so lost. Some know about it some don't. I felt fear. Yup, I was a kid when I wrote this. Still am.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Call Me A Whore Now
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47 comments:
Oh child...
I already know what I'm going to say on your 18th birthday :)
I don't blame these ppl.
It's the path they've chosen.
They still can choose another one.
It's difficult, but let's say it once again: nothing worth having in this life comes easily.
It's interesting to talk, think about them.
It's great to write poems about them.
But some of them don't even think what they're doing. They don't think it's not ok. And do u know what's the saddest thing? Some of them sell themselves for only a pack of cigarettes.
I feel sorry for lost souls. I feel sorry for these ppl, who regret what they're doing.
I don't feel sorry for easy-money fans.
Agata:)
"I already know what I'm going to say on your 18th birthday :)"
I know that u like scaring me. Yup, some of them dunno that what they r doing is not ok. U know what gets me? Some day they will. & when they do we get corpses in the streets. A lot.
"Easy money fans" will also know that something's not right; thats when they commit suicide or thats when they will die of HIV or AIDS. "Easy-money fans" die first.
well good job edyta :) u were so little but with abig mind :) i respect it .. about my point view i think they have the choice to control their lifes i am sure they have but they r so lazy or they don't want to hurt or make themselves tired.. i am sure its easy to get money without being stupid whore ;) any way i am not expert to say what is right or what is wrong but i am suree slutty whoes or bitches can have their choice;) trust me like drug seller he can find away to earn his money legally they just do it to earn so fastly and to get elot of money as much as they can but at the end all of those ppl whethere man or women will regret so soon ;) btw i think now call me awhore i think not only for slutty girls but also for shithead guys wait wait we can say whore world i am sure the whole ppl are fugly sluts ;) ehm ehm so sorry don't take my mental opinion :P well nice job when u were 14 any way i would kick ur ass if i were with u at this age cuz not allowed to know things like these :P:P grrrrr at u :P i love ur writting:)
Yorkie!
Thank you kindly :) yup yup i was 14 & thinking abt existensial issues. what were u doing when u were 14? :P:P anyway, still, i agree with your opinion & that they will find out that what they r doing is so wrong. soon. yup. sooner or later :)
sure u'd kick my ass. u only hit me & hurt me :( i'm telling mum :| lol :D
thanx for your highly appreciated opinion :) miss ya ;)
I kept a little black notebook with me when I was younger and wrote in it religiously. Looking back, it is always interesting to see what still rings true and what seems like it was written by a completely different person.
I LOVE the music players on your blog. How did you get them to work? I want some on my own blog. :)
Deep thoughts for a young girl to write about. We all know we are in control of our own destiny. It is not so much what happens in our lives, it is how we deal with it that makes it what it is.
In response to your comment, yes that was my own poem. Thank you for your kind words. :)
I'm going to give the music player thing a try.
hey dd!!! Im sooo fine now... jz a lil emotional... well.. stopping by 2 say Im fine.... hope ur too.... cya.. gonna leava a massive comment next time.. ttaz
Josh!
I have loads of notebooks & i tend to carry them wherever. Cuz u never know when a good thought can come. Mostly they come in the bathroom whilst washing my hair. Yes, i do carry a pen & a paper to the bath. I guess i am that weird.
& ur poem was incredibly fascinating. Espesh the ending. Highly aesthetic.
& i hope you manage to get your music box. If there was something unclear let me know & i shall gladly clarify it.
PJ!
I agree. What was i thinking about? LOL. Even swearing. How rude of me.
& yes we are all in control of our own destiny. But once we fall or get weak so destiny then may start controling us. Aint life complecated. We need to be strong. Then we control our destiny. Otherwise... who knows where destiny can drop you.
Bro!
Thanx Gawd, u appeared again. Must admit i was a tiny bit worried. Now erase this information. :P
Ur a little emotional? Watching those sad malaysian movies again? How inspiring.
... r u sure ur only worried for a tiny bit???... then, who was the one crying at da room yesterday?? lolx.. mum doesnt like those crying dD.. it annoys her.. haha... I dun watch sad mALAYSIAn movie... it was Indonesian... apparently, I dun watch.. wait I mean, rarely watch Malaysian movie.. :p.. it just doesnt click wit ur evil lil bro, tsar... :p it's inspiring??? Did I see it wrong?? maybe aspiring? :p... Nah... jz came back from skol.. took a bath.. eat a sausage... then, Im sitting at my rotan chair and staring at the computer screen.. figuring out how to make a scar at ur comment box dd.. it's too beautiful wit words.. idioms, quotes.. Tsar hates them all.. :p... He wants 2 make a complain.. too bad ur "24 hours a day, 7days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year" always on hotline was down.. Bad service Dd... u better close it down b4 more irritated customers throw some cotton candy to ya...I guess it does hurt when cotton candy/marshmallows hit ya... :p lolx.. Abt ur poem title Dd, it means anything???.. U know, as a science stream student, Tsar is required to analyse every single details in a poem... :p.. very tedious!! U want my job sis??? or ur still enjoying partying at my blue room? it's ok.... The age of 14 is full of teens angst... cruelty... and much more stuffs, which ur lil bro is not intending to list them down to make his comment looks longer.. haha... :p..A whore Dd?... sounds like a fantasy Dd???....:p ENjoY it.. I will be laughing at anyone I see... cant believe Im doing that... to my own minions!!! lolx.. im too engulfed in my fantasy world Dd... I dunno whether I should continue writing Dd... maybe later on.... we are all still kids in heart.. minus the psycho maniacs.. n some stupid leaders.. ^^
Great poem! I hear that there are a lot of prostitutes that get trafficked from lithuania here to the UK, many from ex soviet countries like yours. It is very sad, they are the victims if anything, promised a better life only to be ending up working as a prostitute. The ex soviet countries are in a really depressing state, totally wrecked by the free market and unemployment. Speaking of which, i know i am going off the subject by what i am going to say now, but in sociology, we are learning about suicide and sociological explinations for them. Although statistics can be unreliable, it sais that lithuania has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, followed by three other ex soviet countries, then finland, i wonder if there could be any relation to unemployment, it would make sense, is unemployment high in lithuania? I think one of the reasons for finland is because of the climate partially, in the winter it can be dark for most if not all day, and will have a terrible effect on those with seasonal affective disorder especially. Any opinion of yours about this will be interesting, i will probably stick to my view that it is unemplyment related. But i must find some figures for that. Anyway, i must stop my rambling on, peace and happiness!
Dear Brother,
My my, you thought that little comment would scare the crap outta me :| Armani was sooo hungry so he ate that there comment & that made me sooo happy & smiling. Yay. This is what you get from not feeding your pet designers proprly. Its there useful. I heard you wanted Dolce&Gabana as pets. Well, tsar, it taakes a lot of responsibility & place. & we all know you are not an outstanding little king. Btw, our toilet room isnt too big. & i just dunno how can u fit in there with those 2 guys :| u can always ask Elton what to do... frankly, he just loves hearing your voice. How romantic. Anyway, i fear you'd be obliged to share your throne with Dolce or Gabana or... both. That means there's no place for you. Sadly, we can not put them in the same place with Armani. He started teething. So he bites. i can say. he bit you the other day.(remember that incident when u woke up full of blood & i told u had a nightmare & were sleepwalking? well, i lied. it was armani. respect him, tsar. he's our fav pet.)
Anywho, thats all the news you can eat, precious bro. I hope you're fine & dancing & u turned your cell phone off (cuz all of those calls from Elton were making my head spin from just hearing your cell phone going off... but since you're so handsome, thats the price u gotta pay)
Tata, bro.
Ur fav DD
Samness!
Yes it is very sad that there r ppl who need easy money. Maybe the world is guilty that money comes too hard... or ppl r too weak. Or maybe both. There's too much of us. Or we're just too weak. Yep, sad, aint it? :|
The situation here is terrible. I've wrote in details abt it on your blog & pretty much off topic, i pressume. How sad :| someone should ban me :D
P&H, Sams & thank you kindly for your rambling. That counts. & u can be as off topic as you wish. It is all very welcome.
I hope that both you & Yana are okay :) I miss her:| we all do.
P&H to you both!
it didnt scare out of ya???... Im lacking of flames Dd.. kINDa weak.. haha... Armani ate 3 comMeNTS??? he is so hungry dd???. MAYBE u should feed him more..wit some human meats too.. haha... wAit..i was all alone in da toilet ROom.. haha....
goNNa KeEP it SHort.. hoPE ur eatin those marshmallows happily!!
tSar~~~
Hey, lady. Time to post again.
Bro!
Yes Armani is that hungry. Just as Pj's Garfield. I loooooooooove Garfie, almost as Hamstieeeeee.
Poor tsar is lacking flames? thats soooooo expected. Cuz... apperently, dd won once again... yup yup. myself & hamstie r sooo used to that.
here, have some carrots that armani didnt want. i saved them for ya, specially.
PS. Mum grounded u for peeing in her coffee again.
PPS. I fu dont like being grounded, Elton would love to take you.
Pjness!
I have my sql days & i dont have any inspiration & no new stuff to share :S how awful of me :|
it seems sql doesnt give inspiration. Gives lacks of time :| & a headache :P
but if i write something, i'll share it ;)
hey dd.. how was ur trip 2 da musical show?? hope u came back alive...
hoping,
Tsar
Precious Tsar,
Sadly, I am ALIVE.
Awwwww, my lil bro cares, how cute. I'll go tell Elton.
Here is hoping you are well and happy. I know you are busy with school. Last year - exciting stuff.
Awwww... PJ is too cuteeee to be true :)
Well, I joined the beta at last.
everyone joins beta already??? Im still wit da old one... lazy 2 change.... ur still alive Dd... wonder how u got back... lolx... dun tell Elton Dd... hahahaah
Join Join Join. We're all waiting for little Tsar. BTW, I hear Elton is staying with the old blogger. U might wanna think abt upgrading faster. He wont be able to reach you then.
Happy Coming Out Day!
Well I am back. Hope school is going well. Thank you for your kind words.
Josh,
Thanx & You too :)
PJ,
All my kindness is all yours. (at least the remaining parts of it!) Thinking of You! Wait, I'm serious.
gosh dd...dun treat Elton like tat..he would be very sad... Ahmed wouldnt even like tat to happen in this holy month of RAMAdhan.. xp..
edytas? i've missed you heaps too!! my bridess! no need to be sorry about anything :(. i'm just so sorry for taking so long to come around and see you. i'm taking a while to get to everyone. i'm such a slow snail lately :(. today is edyta's turn to be victimised LOL. poor you. i'm so sorry to hear about your recent health problems. i can only hope you are getting better :):). awwwww :(. i read your last post and i loved it!! you always come up with some amazing things. i would love to see 'em made into mini movies. they reminded me of touched by angel tv series. oh, happy belated edytas' name day!! horaaay. how sweet to wish health & love to all those other edytas :). also, thank you for sharing your personal experience with depression with yaney. i really appreciate it :). as for this peice? you were so bright at 14...i don't think i was LOL. but you still are a witty kid, hehe. thanks for sharing this. it's really thought provoking. i think we all get lost, yeah?? i never read a poem about 'em before....yeah, it's true so i'm glad you wrote this, edytas :). what agata said up above about doing it for some cigarettes? is really sad :(. anyways, i love how edytas goes into areas ppl don't often read about...ta :). yaaaay. i'm back and i hope you're not to swaped with school. please take care, ok?? thank you once again for everything :D.
ps- again: thank you so much for all your support, kindness & love during my recent illness ;). you're very sweet, bridesss. i'm sooo touched :). ya know song reminds me of the busy beaver/dragon?? guns & roses "sweet child o' mine" LOL
oooo, about edytas new pic? is that you? wow. you look like a bride, hehe. a corpse bride? hehe.
Hello E-Dyta! Your comment made me feel so much better. Really. I also realized that no matter how great we sympathize with these people, we could never really feel how they feel because we're not the one in their situation and of course we don't really want to be in their shoes. And you're right about the girl too. At least her concept of evil would probably lessened or maybe not, given her situation. But thanks for your comment. Much appreciated! :D
Hope this finds you doing well. I insist you take pictures of you in your costume and post. I gotta see them and Yany Honey needs a good laugh.
arrhhh.. my old fav sis Dd... she never stops doesnt she?? nice attempt on being massive Dd..Ur fav lil bro could hv called ur hotline few moments ago..but..unfortunately it was down again..it said that the hotline is permanently closed because of the celebration of hari raya aidilfitri...It's called like tat in my country.. Dunno how is it called in Lithuania... muahahahahah.. Anyway, since ur perfectly healed..I can see ur improving and starting to cause a lil riot on some ppl's blogs.. How naive Dd...muahahahaah.. *organ starts* It's okay Dd..before u can show ur cheeful side again to us..lalalalalalala
It feels so hot here Dd...Might b the weather..even after the fasting month ended..i still couldnt enjoy some decent Malays food.. I cut myself when i was trying to open "lemang" a type of Malay food..Google it if ya need more info Dd.. Too much of genius?? I dun think so.. Anyway, remember I was trying 2 call ya hotline earlier?? I was calling 2 tell ya this..jz in case ur making me some party to celebrate it??? lmao!!!... Guess I couldnt say much Dd... feeling rather NUTS... blame it on da weather...
chEErs IN da SPirit of RAMADHAN!!!
TSaR
Tsar!
Well, I'm glad that u have holidays now. Time to dance around the whole city at last! Oh & do remind me & take pics of ppl who failed ur exam & had to run around the whole sql naked or in undies. Whatever was ur fine decision. Eww. Do u have a sql newspaper? Well we do, & guess who's in the editing group? Thats right, ur fav DD, & she'd write abt this with a delighted smile. How thoughtful of me :D Anywho, ur lucky we dont share the same sql... Simply... it wouldnt be big enough to blow it up for the both of us, i guess :D
well hope ur okay & kicking whatever ya want. Just stop kicking Armani.
PS. Hotline's fine now. They said they received loadsa cranck calls. I'm more than sure that it was u. Dont be shyyyyy, tell us what ya want :D
TATA,
Ur fav SIS.
Yanaey!
Its sooooooooooooooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeet of u to come by. OMG! I am SOOOOOO EXCITED. U WERE SOOO MISSED. How rude of me to write in caps lock but u were sooooooooooooo missed. I am starting to repeat myself. Sorry, my brain was destroyed long ago. Very long ago.
Awww thank you soooo much for reading this sick stuff. OMEGAWD! U really shouldnt have!
& abt me being a enlightened child? Sooo not true, but i was smarter than i am now. As i always say, edytie grows dumber day by day :D (i always say that?!) :D~ awww, i'm overexcited with ur presence here. I sooo enjoy being molested by you. Pure orgasmic joy. I just hope that u r heaps better & smiling. This was waaaay to sweet of you. U know how we were worried? :| & i saw understand u not wanting to "depend" on the anti-depressant pills... but there's a course & i'm afraid ya needz to drink it up :S I just hope they help & make u feel so much better & soon shall be unnecessary.
Go Yaney, go!
oh & Yaney? Thanx for noticing : i do look like a corpse :D Well, thanx to my image makers everything can be achieved: looking like a corpse or a tampon :DD~
Berna!
Yeah, i guess ur post was kind of sad :( there is a lot of evil around us & we need to fight with it; we musnt give it chances to devour us :|
I still have visions of that girl & her father looking at toys in the toy store :( i just really hope she's happy and smiling now :|
PJ!
Oh, I'll try :) Hope to make ya all giggle. BTW, it's YOU who woke up the Halloween spirit in me :D
going to shop today....!!!... muaahahahah
Hey E-dyta! Just wanted to say thanks for stopping by while I was away. I am pretty much back now. I appreciate the concern. Also, I'm glad you liked the pics. What's the geography like in Lithuania?
Bro: What did ya buy Tsar?
Joshua: Oh, we all were concerned abt u :) Well, now u r back & giving us all the aesthetic pleasures we can only ask for, ur brilliant poetry for example ;)
Thank you for the lovely comments about my stuff. I sometimes wonder if other people get anything out of the things I write. Happy Halloween!
bridesss, yaney is sorry i haven't been around. just a quickie. hope you're well and happy halloween. although, like i mentioned in pj's post: we aussies don't really celebrate it. lol. take care, see you soon :)
Josh!
I hope they do, if not, they dunno what r they mising.
Yaney!
No Sweat at all. I hope you have the sweetest Halloween evaaa! P&H to you & Sams!
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