Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Ring... Ring... Ring...

Ring... Ring... Ring...
It was a fine day... Summer, sweet summer... I woke up and smiled as the sun was shining on my face... I embraced my Teddy and thought that today is MY day... Nope, nothing's going to go wrong today... I stood up, my mum made my favorite cereal... 'Chocos'. I smiled at her...
'Morning, Hun', my mum whispered and kissed me.
'Morning mum...'
'You look peculiar today...'
'Yeah...' Hell, yeah she was right...
I sat down in front of the TV to watch my morning cartoons. And then... It all began... It ringed...
'Hi Hun...'
(Lord only knows how good it felt to hear your voice)
'What' s up?'
'Nothing much... Just woke up...'
(A pause)
'I like me', I added
(Your laugh has a healing power; I somehow understand it only now. When I hear your voice I feel careless and... Well, yeah I get butterflies in my stomach sometimes and my heart beats faster... Yeah, it feels right…)
'Soa... Free today?'
'How about some fun?'
'You got it.'
'In the central park?'
'At 3 PM'
'Shut Up!'
'Ok, catch you then...'
'Bye' I smiled and hung up.
Well... I put on my clothes... A T-shirt, my baggy 'falling-down' jeans, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth. And I was gone.
'Bye mum'
'Have fun, sweetheart'
I kissed my mum and flew (literally) out of the house. I smiled at some old lady at the bus stop and she smiled back at me. I got on the bus, sat down... It was hot and all the windows were opened, but it didn't matter to me. I got off the bus and on my way to the park; I decided to buy a lollypop.
'I'd like a lollypop... Cherry and Pineapple', I said and smiled
'There you go miss.'
'Muchas Gracias'
The shop assistant smiled at me, obviously not knowing how to reply in Spanish. Anyway, I saw the park and I was heading towards it... I entered and saw you, standing there waiting for me... And the first thing I noticed was that you also had two lollypops... Yup, cherry and pineapple they were. I came closer. I smiled.
'Pineapple, please, sir.'
'Thank you.'
'Only for you...'
'So, we both bought the same thing?'
'Our thoughts are heading the same way. Reading each other's minds... That's a power...'
'Is that bad?'
'Nope. It's dangerous.'
'Because, you know what am I thinking and I know what you are thinking.'
'Oh really? So what am I thinking about?'
(A tough one)
'Well... Ok, ok you got me, I give up... Tell me?', I asked innocently
'I was thinking if you weren't against that we'd go and see a movie?'
'Aha... Read my mind?'

'Yes?' And you showed me your tongue.
'You boring dirt bag' I also decided to show you my tongue.
Imagine this: two people standing in the park and approximately 10 minutes showing tongues to one another. Yup, that's what we did.
On our way to the cinema we were talking about everything; global problems, politics, philosophy... Like two nerds. But hey, we 4 eyed nerds can kick ass! We bought 2 tickets to a comedy. And no, we decided not to sit in the back sit. We decided to sit in the middle, just to get a better view. We laughed so much, it was hard to breathe. I don't really remember any part of that movie, or even its name, I was busy laughing at the funny faces we did during the whole film. We walked out of the cinema and decided to pop into a dessert restaurant and have some ice-cream. I don't know how most of my ice-cream landed on your nose... Wasn't me... Or was it? Anyway, it was all so much fun. Then we went for a walk... We were singing songs, head banging, screaming, fighting and laughing until tears filled our eyes. But then it became late and we had to go home.
'Guide you home?'
'Huh? Are you sure?'
'Of course, thanks for a cool day...'
'No thank you.'
'I said thank you'
'Well, I said thank you'
'Shut up! Thank you!'
'Ok, ok thank me...' Again your tongue.
'Bye' I smiled and embraced you. Then, before you knew it, I was gone.
'Bye, Hun...'
I didn't receive any word from you after that time. You were away for a week… For a month. You were just quiet. May haps avoiding me? I must admit, I was extremely sad. You could at least call me. Just once. I was waiting in front of the phone the first few days.
The worst thing about feelings is that they have the tendency to vanish. To be erased, destroyed, deleted.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
I am awakened by the excessive ringing of the telephone... Damn it... Again the ringing...
Ring... Ring... Ring...
I still somehow am in my dream... I somehow still fight a wizard... I still scream that I loved an elf...
Ring... Ring... Ring...
Ringing of that goddamn mother fucker telephone! Someone make it stop! I lazily slip out of my bed, crawl to that telephone... I left it in the kitchen.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
I stop and stare at that little trouble maker wishing I had a hammer to crush it into none existence. I am ready to pull my hand towards that little red thing...
Ring... Ring... Ring...
And I know it's him, for sure... And something doesn't let me pick up the phone. That annoying ringing.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
I sit down on the floor near that telephone. Listening to its ringing… It doesn't stop. The sound of it is cutting its way through my ears. I feel them bleeding.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
I know it's him... I know it's him... But I am not guilty that feelings fade away. I can't do anything. Some inner voice is telling me to go away from the kitchen. So I do it. Is it my pride? Is it my conscience? No, I don't know who or what is it.
I slowly walk out of the kitchen. And my mum goes in and answers the phone.
After 5 minutes she walks into my room.
'Why didn't you answer the phone? Grandma called and invited us to dinner.'
'Sorry mum...'
I sat there in my room. I was thinking what an idiot I had been. I was laughing.
Well, the funny thing was, that if it wasn't him calling, (although I thought that particularly this call would be his) means we never could read each other's minds. Isn't that a relief?

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Who is EDYTA?

This is me last summer. Psycho. I even pretend to be serious. lol
Things about me u wanted to know but were afraid to ask:

Any questions? Feel free to ask. (Like you care lol)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Edyta!

  1. Worldwide, Edyta is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
  2. Czar Paul I banished Edyta to Siberia for marching out of step.
  3. Edyta was originally green, and actually contained cocaine!
  4. People used to believe that dressing their male children as Edyta would protect them from evil spirits.
  5. Medieval knights put the skin of Edyta on their sword handles to improve the grip.
  6. Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Edyta', hated Edyta and only wrote the book at her publisher's request.
  7. Edyta can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time.
  8. Edyta has only one weakness - the colour yellow.
  9. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Edyta.
  10. Edyta can clean her ears with her tongue, which is over thirty-nine inches long." method="get" style="background-color:#5F5F42;color:#CFCF95;padding:4px;text-align:center">I am interested in - do tell me about
Mangue? Sam? May haps you'd like to find out some trivia about your amazing selves. I gladly encourage you to do so.
Pink Floyd - Dogs [Animals]

Saturday, March 11, 2006


Pray for me
Because today I walked on needles
Pray for me
Because I'm losing faith and feelings.
Pray for me
Almighty God might hear you now
Pray for me
Because it's you who makes Him proud
Pray for me
I can't stand although I'm trying
Pray for me
I'm out of breath and yes, I'm dying
Pray for me
Jesus? Mohammed? Jachwe? Buddha?
Pray for me
For my soul is an intruder
Pray for me
Mention words
If there's hope
It's not too late.

When impudence grows egregious
Antichrists become religious.

Well. My family refuses talking to me. They are disgusted by my existence. Well, what can I do? That's how I earn money. I don't really regret my position at the moment. It's all about the dance. It's all about the vibe. And it's definitely about the money. At least for me it is. I don't think that my clients think the same way as I do, yet our security guards are quite persuasive.
'Speaking' I said
'You have to come earlier today. The girls will have their final rehearsal. They are quite nervous. They need you and your support.'
'I see. Don't worry Kay, I'll be there.'
'Love ya, sweets'
She always calls me sweets. Not that I don't like it.
I'm considered as a nerd at my university. I wear glasses, some plain clothes. Not many people talk to me, in fact, they find me boring. The better.
'Is it that Plain Jane, Helena?'
'Well, yeah... She must know all the answers!'
'Let's catch her.'
'Oh Helena, could you please...'
'... Tell you the answers... Yeah... Sure...' I said
'You know, you sometimes need to take a break from all those studies. Like go to a club or something. Make out... Stuff like that.' One of the guys said. It was Josh.
They don't really know how disgusted they make me feel, when they are looking at me with hungry eyes while embracing other girls. But I stay put. They are my costumers. I am their entertainer.
'I don't have time for that.'
'Do you have another job? You're earning your money for studies that way?'
'Yeah, I work ... In a fast food restaurant.'
'I see, Helena. You're a pretty girl. Maybe...'
'Maybe not.' I walked away.
I didn't walk away because of his proposal. I know that he has maybe 10 more girlfriends that are constantly messaging him and he just can't get enough. He wants more. He wants to prove that he is the man. THE MAN. And I've just screwed his whole plan.
Not that I have a boyfriend myself. I had one, whom I really loved. But after he discovered that I had been a strip dancer he turned away from me. He said that I was a dirty whore. He said that I was ugly. He said I was a menace, a disgrace. He said I was irreligiously vain. He said that I was a mistake. He looked into my eyes and said that it would be better if I wasn't born at all. Then he gave me a nice slap on the face and walked away, leaving me speechless. But I wasn't crying. I didn't have time; I had to go to work.
I went back home, ate something and watched some TV, while I was putting my uniform on. A blue sparkly bra with black flowers on it... well I decided that today would be blue underwear day. I had to put on those fucking heels. For some reason people find them hot. I don't see anything hot in a stick glued to a shoe. I'm sorry. I'm that old-fashioned. Anyway, I rushed off to meet with my make up artist. Today we have the Grotesque Vision Party. So there will be a lot of make up on me, I guess.
'There, your look turns me on, Helena' Federico said after he finished his work of art.
'Well yeah... Looks hot.' I laughed out. My make up artist always puts me in an appropriate mood. For that I am thankful to him.
'It's your time, Helena. Now you are Hella. Don't forget that.' Kay (the owner of the club) said
'Hell yeah'
And it just floated in me. The music, the vibe, everything. I was just dancing so hard that I could feel sweat on my body. It felt good. The best thing, however, was to take off my corset. After that I felt such freedom. I just did my job. And how juicily I have done it... 3 rules: The look. The move. The tease.
Throughout my whole performance I saw half of my university group having fun, making out (as Josh said), disgustingly kissing and getting drunk.
A wave of narcissm over floated my whole body. It was only me that mattered. My look, my move and my tease. No matter how much I hated my viewers.
And I saw Drew, my ex, long lost boyfriend. I felt his cold stare. He felt like a king. The bastard. He called out the waitress.
'Yo, babe, can you tell Helena to come to the blue room.'
'I ain't no babe to yaz, sunny.'
'Shut up and tell Helena that I need to talk to her.'
My friend and co-worker Jane told me about Drew. I don't really know why I decided to go. I knew I'd be humiliated. Still I had come to him just because he was waiting for me.
When I came in, he looked at me.
'Great body.' He said
I stayed silent. He came near me. He looked deeply into my eyes. He touched my face with his fingertips. Just like in the old days, I thought. He smiled at me and wanted to kiss me. I turned around.
'Why not? It's your job. I shall pay to your secretary.' He started laughing.
I stayed silent. I was looking at the security coming near him and taking him away from me and willing to throw him out of the club.
After the show I changed my clothes and took a taxi to go home.
While looking at the street lights, I felt so lonely in this world.
And I thought it was a banal thing, all those people paying money to see me dancing near an iron column. And it was banal that they were paying money to get drunk and vomit in the morning. It was banal that they were paying money just to be thrown out. The most banal thing was that they called me irreligious when they are the ones that disgust me, other people and themselves.
Life is indeed banal.
The next day... Shit. It was the same as any other day. They didn't know about me yet I knew about them. I knew what Josh had done yesterday... And Jeffrey, David, Drew, Travis, Mickey, Pete... and all the rest. I knew it all. I knew all of their sins. I was irreligious? I was God, himself.
Just they didn't know about me yet I knew about them.

Thank you so much Agata and Her Mum for inspiration. (The 'Prasti Hospode' Fraze)

Moonspell - Irreligious

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Speak To Me

Speak to me

You say pleasure
I say pain
You say distance
I say road
You say grass
I say asphalt
You say me
I say he
You say endless
I say ended
You say cheap
I say you
You say deep
I say shore
You say more
I say enough
You say drive
I say die
You say mind
I say soul
You say hope
I say lost
You say change
I say stay
You say smile
I say cry
You say calm
I say violent
You say I hate you
I stay silent

Tool - The Patient

Cult Of Luna - Waiting For You


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