|+|Irreligious|+|

Prelude:
Pray for me
Because today I walked on needles
Pray for me
Because I'm losing faith and feelings.
Pray for me
Almighty God might hear you now
Pray for me
Because it's you who makes Him proud
Pray for me
I can't stand although I'm trying
Pray for me
I'm out of breath and yes, I'm dying
Pray for me
Jesus? Mohammed? Jachwe? Buddha?
Pray for me
For my soul is an intruder
Pray for me
Mention words
Concentrate
If there's hope
It's not too late.

When impudence grows egregious
Antichrists become religious.

Well. My family refuses talking to me. They are disgusted by my existence. Well, what can I do? That's how I earn money. I don't really regret my position at the moment. It's all about the dance. It's all about the vibe. And it's definitely about the money. At least for me it is. I don't think that my clients think the same way as I do, yet our security guards are quite persuasive.
'Helena?'
'Speaking' I said
'You have to come earlier today. The girls will have their final rehearsal. They are quite nervous. They need you and your support.'
'I see. Don't worry Kay, I'll be there.'
'Love ya, sweets'
She always calls me sweets. Not that I don't like it.
I'm considered as a nerd at my university. I wear glasses, some plain clothes. Not many people talk to me, in fact, they find me boring. The better.
'Is it that Plain Jane, Helena?'
'Well, yeah... She must know all the answers!'
'Let's catch her.'
'Oh Helena, could you please...'
'... Tell you the answers... Yeah... Sure...' I said
'You know, you sometimes need to take a break from all those studies. Like go to a club or something. Make out... Stuff like that.' One of the guys said. It was Josh.
They don't really know how disgusted they make me feel, when they are looking at me with hungry eyes while embracing other girls. But I stay put. They are my costumers. I am their entertainer.
'I don't have time for that.'
'Do you have another job? You're earning your money for studies that way?'
'Yeah, I work ... In a fast food restaurant.'
'I see, Helena. You're a pretty girl. Maybe...'
'Maybe not.' I walked away.
I didn't walk away because of his proposal. I know that he has maybe 10 more girlfriends that are constantly messaging him and he just can't get enough. He wants more. He wants to prove that he is the man. THE MAN. And I've just screwed his whole plan.
Not that I have a boyfriend myself. I had one, whom I really loved. But after he discovered that I had been a strip dancer he turned away from me. He said that I was a dirty whore. He said that I was ugly. He said I was a menace, a disgrace. He said I was irreligiously vain. He said that I was a mistake. He looked into my eyes and said that it would be better if I wasn't born at all. Then he gave me a nice slap on the face and walked away, leaving me speechless. But I wasn't crying. I didn't have time; I had to go to work.
I went back home, ate something and watched some TV, while I was putting my uniform on. A blue sparkly bra with black flowers on it... well I decided that today would be blue underwear day. I had to put on those fucking heels. For some reason people find them hot. I don't see anything hot in a stick glued to a shoe. I'm sorry. I'm that old-fashioned. Anyway, I rushed off to meet with my make up artist. Today we have the Grotesque Vision Party. So there will be a lot of make up on me, I guess.
'There, your look turns me on, Helena' Federico said after he finished his work of art.
'Well yeah... Looks hot.' I laughed out. My make up artist always puts me in an appropriate mood. For that I am thankful to him.
'It's your time, Helena. Now you are Hella. Don't forget that.' Kay (the owner of the club) said
'Hell yeah'
And it just floated in me. The music, the vibe, everything. I was just dancing so hard that I could feel sweat on my body. It felt good. The best thing, however, was to take off my corset. After that I felt such freedom. I just did my job. And how juicily I have done it... 3 rules: The look. The move. The tease.
Throughout my whole performance I saw half of my university group having fun, making out (as Josh said), disgustingly kissing and getting drunk.
A wave of narcissm over floated my whole body. It was only me that mattered. My look, my move and my tease. No matter how much I hated my viewers.
And I saw Drew, my ex, long lost boyfriend. I felt his cold stare. He felt like a king. The bastard. He called out the waitress.
'Yo, babe, can you tell Helena to come to the blue room.'
'I ain't no babe to yaz, sunny.'
'Shut up and tell Helena that I need to talk to her.'
My friend and co-worker Jane told me about Drew. I don't really know why I decided to go. I knew I'd be humiliated. Still I had come to him just because he was waiting for me.
When I came in, he looked at me.
'Great body.' He said
I stayed silent. He came near me. He looked deeply into my eyes. He touched my face with his fingertips. Just like in the old days, I thought. He smiled at me and wanted to kiss me. I turned around.
'Why not? It's your job. I shall pay to your secretary.' He started laughing.
I stayed silent. I was looking at the security coming near him and taking him away from me and willing to throw him out of the club.
After the show I changed my clothes and took a taxi to go home.
While looking at the street lights, I felt so lonely in this world.
And I thought it was a banal thing, all those people paying money to see me dancing near an iron column. And it was banal that they were paying money to get drunk and vomit in the morning. It was banal that they were paying money just to be thrown out. The most banal thing was that they called me irreligious when they are the ones that disgust me, other people and themselves.
Life is indeed banal.
The next day... Shit. It was the same as any other day. They didn't know about me yet I knew about them. I knew what Josh had done yesterday... And Jeffrey, David, Drew, Travis, Mickey, Pete... and all the rest. I knew it all. I knew all of their sins. I was irreligious? I was God, himself.
Just they didn't know about me yet I knew about them.

Thank you so much Agata and Her Mum for inspiration. (The 'Prasti Hospode' Fraze)

Moonspell - Irreligious